


Between The Lines

by Tiniestgay



Category: Wicked - All Media Types, Wicked - Schwartz/Holzman
Genre: :), Also kind of, F/F, Fluff, High School AU, Some angst, im sorry i suck at summaries but, might be underage drinking involved since its hs, to all the boys ive loved before au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2019-11-27 02:17:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18188477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tiniestgay/pseuds/Tiniestgay
Summary: Elphaba is not much for expressing her romantic emotions, so what happens when she writes out her feelings about previous crushes in hopes it'll never be seen? One outgoing, determined little brother may change her last year of high school completely. Inspired by To all The boys I've loved before.





	1. On my Own

**Author's Note:**

> hello!! thanks to everyone whos been excited about this fic on tumblr, means a lot. here we go. stay tuned :) All my love <3

_If you ask me around_

_And I should decline_

_Don’t take it to heart, your company’s fine_

_But I get on better with mine_

_On my Own – Niall Horan_

The music from Elphaba’s worn down speakers filled her room as she drummed her fingers against her desk, reading through an old, dusty biology textbook.

School officially started tomorrow which meant she would finally be in her senior year, and off to college to study life sciences at a university she would decide later. All she knew was she wanted to be free from her father’s constant bitterness, so a school farther away would be ideal.

She propped her book down as a softer song began playing and reached over for her phone to change it. But she halted when a knock was heard on her door.

“Yeah?” She called.

The door creaked open and a smaller boy peeked his head into her room.

“Dinners ready,” Shell said calmly. Elphaba simply nodded and reached for her phone again.

“Listening to that for anyone in particular?”

Elphaba rolled her eyes and picked up the nearest pencil to throw at him. He laughed and ducked away, backing into the hallway out of sight.

She huffed and glanced at a small box sitting on the corner of her table.

“For anyone in particular,” she mumbled as she reached for it. She propped the top of the box open and glanced at three intricate envelopes with names and addresses written accordingly.

It was stupid, really. She’s always preferred her own company, she never was fond of the idea of love. Or perhaps it was just the idea people constructed it to be. Each envelope contained letters addressed to people who would never receive them. Her feelings were always a complicated mess and she often found herself pushing the idea of romantic notions aside.

But within this box contained everything she could never say. It was everything she tried to throw away, to ignore. The letters each represented a crush, ones she couldn’t hold in. She had to let her feelings out somehow and decided the best way was to write it out because that’s something she was good at.

She picked up the first one and examined the front of it, a small blue envelope.

_Milla_

Otherwise known as the girl who made Elphaba realize she was gay. This was a middle school crush, that Elphaba thinks shouldn’t even count, but she had written about it anyways.

The two became friends and would often go over to each other’s houses to do group projects or play games. But the visits soon turned into hand holding and cuddling on couches. Elphaba could still feel the safeness of it all, the way Milla never judged her and the lightness of their interactions.

But like anything, it was not to last. For about a month Elphaba combed through her emotions for Milla, and it wasn’t until a few weeks in that she realized it wasn’t just platonic.

She found it hard to distinguish romantic attraction from platonic endeavors, but she soon became hyperaware of the flip in her stomach, the beat in her heart, and the way her fingers would tingle every time they held hands.

But the feeling only lasted for a month, because soon Milla had discovered a new group of friends and slowly left Elphaba behind. It hurt, but it taught Elphaba that perhaps she wasn’t as hopeless as she thought she was.

Besides, she didn’t even know if Milla was gay, and she still doesn’t. It’s a mystery to her. But it’s in the past and that’s where she intends to keep it.

She placed the letter back down and picked up the one directly underneath it. This one was red, with gold handwriting.

_Sarima_

The first crush Elphaba had in high school. It was her freshman year and the two had been in the same gym class.

The only problem was Sarima was heartbreakingly straight. But just as most straight girls seem to do, she would flirt with Elphaba constantly. Elphaba had thought she had a chance for a moment, her heart soaring with the idea.

But again, it was not to last. Elphaba was dragged to her first real house party late in September, and when she went to find the bathroom, she saw Sarima making out with some athletic boy from school.

It wasn’t as if Elphaba expected much, but to have someone string you along without even realizing it, was heartbreaking on its own.

There wasn’t much else to the story. It was a simple crush that Elphaba wished she could erase, but the past is in the past.

She placed the letter down gently, and after a moment of hesitation, she blew out a small puff of air and picked up the last envelope. It was pink with the name and address written in silver handwriting.

_Glinda_

Now this one was the most surprising one of all. It was one absolutely no one knew about. Given the fact that Crope and Tibbett figured out about Sarima, she was careful to show no signs about this bubbly blonde.

Glinda Upland, otherwise known as one of the most popular girls in school. She was also known to be one of the best tennis players in Shiz.

But its important to note, this crush was long gone. It was a little over a year ago when Boq had dragged her with him to one of his friends parties from the robotics club he was in. She reluctantly agreed, and it wasn’t long before she was being attacked by Pfannee and her group of small-minded oafs.

After Boq had left to go talk to one of his friends, Elphaba was left alone and that’s when the comments started rolling in. It wasn’t anything she hadn’t heard before, so she did her best to ignore it. She replied by rolling her eyes or simply telling them to fuck off.

But fortunately, the girls were only able to get a few jabs in before Glinda chimed in and told them to stop. Elphaba could still feel the shock of being defended by someone who must have hated her just as much as the other girls did.

She never talked to Glinda much, and despite having a few classes together, they never paid much attention to the other. But this night was when Elphaba realized that there was something more to Glinda, something that was hidden away. It was incredibly stupid to ever have a crush develop towards someone she had absolutely zero chance with, but there she was, her heart beating stupidly fast, her mind whirling with questions.

But the real reason Elphaba noticed her more was because during that same night, she had wandered outside and was greeted by the small blonde leaning on the railing of the porch. Elphaba could feel the chill of the air blowing through her hair and noticed the out of focus look in Glinda’s eyes.

Elphaba knew Glinda was drunk, she knew that she shouldn’t have taken her words to heart. But when Glinda turned around with a sad smile and her voice soft, she knew she was a goner.

_“You’re beautiful, you know. Don’t let them make you believe otherwise.”_

One line was all it took for Elphaba to stumble over herself. She shook her head at the memory, recalling how she had no idea what to say. She awkwardly said she had to go and began walking home.

In one smooth motion, she closed the box and placed it back on her desk and rubbed gently at her eyes. But the sound of creaking steps stopped her, and her eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. She looked at her half-opened door and walked towards it but was surprised to find nothing or no one in sight.

So, she shrugged and headed out the door anyways to go down for dinner, hoping no one would ever discover the emotions that sat within sealed envelopes, especially not the ones they’re addressed to.


	2. I'm just A Kid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so the high school system im going off of is Canadian so it might be a little different than American ones. In Canada we only have 4 classes a semester and each semester is different classes. But I think it'll be pretty self explanatory in here :) thanks for reading

_I’m just a kid and life is a nightmare_

_I’m just a kid I know that it’s not fair_

_Nobody cares cause im alone and the world is having more fun than me tonight_

_I’m Just a Kid – Simple Plan_

_~_

Elphaba woke up Monday morning to the sound of wind pattering gently against her window. It was the first day of school, which was always boring in her opinion.

Most people viewed it as a reunion of sorts, but to her it was the start of another year crammed with unnecessary drama.

She rubbed at her eyes sleepily and got out of bed. She washed up and dressed quickly, deciding to grab a to go coffee from the small shop located near the high school.

Frex and Shell were most likely still sleeping, so she moved quietly around the house. Before leaving, she threw on her snapback, shouldered her bag, and grabbed her keys. It was warm enough for her to walk though, which is why she stuffed her car keys in her pocket and walked down the street.

It wasn’t long before she was grabbing a coffee from a nice Gorilla who was working at the shop. She thanked him and gave him a warm smile which he returned gratefully. She left the shop feeling a little lighter. She wasn’t thinking about the incoming day, yet alone the year, and managed to convince herself it was going to be okay.

When she reached the school, the hallways were already filled with people. She moved through the crowd and walked towards her assigned locker which happened to be on the second floor. The moment she walked through the door, she could hear familiar voices laughing among one another.

She glanced curiously in their direction and noticed Crope and Tibbett walking towards her. They smiled wide when they saw her and waved.

“There she is!” Crope yelled.

She rolled her eyes and made her way to her locker and put in the combination.

“You two are awfully happy this morning.”

“Why wouldn’t we be?” Tibbett started. “We get to see our favourite people ever, and you of course.”

“Thanks,” she said sarcastically.

“What’s your first period?” Crope asked.

“I have a free period.”

Both boys groaned. “You’re so lucky!”

“Don’t you two have theatre together?”

They grinned as Elphaba closed her locker and shouldered her bag.

“Yes. And we also aligned our entire schedules to match!”

She raised an eyebrow and shook her head gently, smiling a little. “How romantic,” she remarked.

“You know us,” Tibbett said as he wrapped an arm around Crope’s waist. Crope smiled and kissed his cheek, causing Elphaba scowl at them.

“Oh, don’t be so jealous,” Crope teased.

“Jealous? Why would I be-“

The bell suddenly rang overhead, signalling five minutes until class started.

“Shit,” Tibbett and Crope said simultaneously. They began scrambling away while bidding their farewells. When they turned a corner, Elphaba walked through the now thinning hallway, making her way towards the library.

When she opened the doors, she glanced around the small space and found Boq sitting at a table close by.

He glanced up when she approached and smiled as she sat down in the seat across from him.

“Morning Elphie,” he said cheerfully.

“Morning. You’re awfully happy.”

Boq shrugged and placed his pencil down from whatever he was working on.

“What’re you doing?” Elphaba asked, nodding towards the open notebook in front of him.

“Oh! I’m working out some details about the robotics club. I was asked to organize the first meeting.”

“Nerd.”

Boq grinned and pointed his pencil at her. “Says you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Elphaba replied as she pulled out a book from her bag.

The rest of the period was spent with Elphaba reading, while Boq was writing notes down. It was a comfortable exchange that Elphaba was quite fond of. But the bell rang just as she was getting to the good part in her book which caused her to frown.

“What?” Boq asked amused, stuffing his belongings into his bag.

“It was just starting to get good,” she mumbled as she gathered her things and stood from the chair.

“At least we have biology now, eh?”

Elphaba grinned and began walking towards the biology room, knowing that this class was enough to make the day worthwhile.

\--

Unfortunately, all good things come to an end. When the bell rang releasing the second period classes, Elphaba could already feel the dread of the next class weighing down on her.

“Good luck. Don’t cause too much trouble with Morrible,” Boq said before waving her off and making his way in the opposite direction. Elphaba huffed in annoyance and trudged down the hallway towards the Literature section.

Just as she expected, Morrible was standing in the front of the classroom, her piercing eyes judging Elphaba’s every move. She chose to ignore it and sat in the back of the room, not bothering to pay attention to anything the old carp had to say.

The period dragged on unbelievably slow, and by the time the bell rang, it took everything in her not to sigh in relief. She gathered her things and dashed out of the room before Morrible could so much as glance at her.

She wandered towards the cafeteria and saw Boq watching Crope and Tibbett who were waving their arms dramatically.

“What’s so funny?” She asked as she sat down next to Boq.

“These two almost burned down the whole school.”

Elphaba snorted. “Not that I’m surprised but please explain how you almost burned down the school on your first day.”

“It wasn’t all _our_ fault,” Crope protested.

“Yeah,” Tibbett chimed in. “We were making cookies because we have hospitality second period, and _someone_ decided it was a good idea to turn the timer off on the oven we were using.”

“What do you mean someone? Who did that?”

Tibbett shrugged, but Crope shook his head. “Probably that bastard Avaric.”

Elphaba made a face but Crope continued, waving his hand dismissively. “It’s fine. Anyways, all this smoke appeared and the alarm in the room went off and the teacher was scrambling to turn it off.”

“And then I tripped on a banana peel!” Tibbett cried.

Elphaba and Boq laughed. “A banana? Really? That’s the type of thing you hear in movies,” Boq managed to say through giggles.

“Tell me about it,” Tibbett replied.

“And that is how we almost burned down the whole school.”

“I wish my first day was as exciting as that,” said Elphaba. “Anyways, we should probably eat.”

So that’s what they did. They usually brought their own lunches from home and shared it with each other.

The rest of the time was spent discussing their schedules and how they thought the year was going to turn out. It also included talk about getting Elphaba to go to more parties. Which wasn’t a terrible idea, but she always felt more comfortable at home reading a book or watching a movie.

Being around so many people at once sometimes became overwhelming to her, especially when all around her couples were pressed against walls, kissing messily. She’d always crinkle her nose, not understanding the thrill that came along with it.

And finally, her final period came and although it was one of her harder classes, she enjoyed the challenge it brought. She was surprised to see the classroom nearly full, not having been aware of how many people took calculus as an elective.

She sat down in the front of the room and took a binder out from her bag, removing a few blank pages from within it.

She glanced up at the sound of giggling, and noticed Glinda sitting to the side with one of the girls in her friend group. Elphaba was surprised to see her in this class, having assumed she would have taken a bunch of bird courses.

Elphaba was unaware she was staring until Glinda glanced up at her with an eyebrow raised. Elphaba quickly averted her eyes and watched as Ms. Greyling walked into the room holding a stack of papers that was presumably the course syllabus.

They went over the classroom rules and got given their textbooks, and much to the classes’ reluctance, were given a few practice questions to go over from the prerequisite course.

When the final bell chimed, Elphaba moved through the overflowing hallway and towards the locker rooms near the gym to get changed for cross fit practice. She threw on a plain t-shirt and loose gym shorts and walked towards the gymnasium.

Some of the guys were already warming up, including Fiyero, who happened to be dating Glinda. Not that Elphaba cared or anything, but he was a bit annoying and cocky.

He smirked at her when she walked in and she rolled her eyes and began warming up accordingly. They started with a nice easy few laps around the gym and then formed a circle to go through stretches.

Today was mostly about conventional forms of training to bring newcomers in at a comfortable pace. They made their way around stations where they were to do push ups, pull ups, sit ups, and even a spot to do dead-lifts.

Elphaba had gone through the first three stations with ease and was now standing beside the bar on the floor, preparing to perform the dead-lifts. Her coach gave her an approving nod before going to help one of the freshmen boys with his push up form.

As she reached for the bar, she heard a few snickers from the side and glanced towards Fiyero and Avaric. She also noticed a flash of blonde hair, and saw Glinda leaning on the wall – most likely waiting for Fiyero.

“There’s no way you’re going to lift that,” Fiyero said.

Avaric snickered. “Well she can sure _try_. But if I couldn’t do it, neither can she.”

Elphaba felt anger bubble up but instead of retorting back with any comments, her eyes scanned over Glinda again, who was watching closely. She shifted her feet and glanced down. She positioned herself accordingly and placed both hands on the bar. She took a deep breath and focused all her energy into the muscles of her body. She breathed in deeply and stood up, easing a breath out as she lifted the bar and held it for a few seconds before dropping it onto the floor. She was now aware of the disappearance of smug smiles and ignorant laughter. She smirked at them and picked up her water bottle, taking a long drink.

She then walked past the boys and spoke with confidence, “next time you can’t lift something, get a woman to do it.”

And with that she moved towards the doors, not bothering to catch their reactions. She passed Glinda on the way out and noticed a hint of a smile playing on her lips, which felt oddly rewarding.

Elphaba changed and made her way home to wash up and finish her calculus homework, but not before calling Boq to tell him exactly what just happened.


	3. Opinion Overload

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi y'all!!  
> Posting another chapter and just wanna say a big thank you to tinyace who is beta'ing this fic!! Much love :) (and im sorry i do not know how to actually tag someone in the notes here aklsjklj) <3

_ You’re so tough, you throw punches with your words _

_ You think you’re clever, let me tell you that you’re not the first _

_ Say something I haven’t heard yet _

_ You’re disrespectful, always quick to judge _

_ I’m kind of wonderin’ if you’re doing it just because _

_ It must be nice being perfect _

_ Opinion Overload – Simple Plan _

_ ~ _

The week passed uneventfully and soon it was Thursday morning. Elphaba sat crossed legged on the couch, with a mug of coffee between her hands. Shell sat next to her paying close attention to the cartoon that was playing at a low volume.

Usually Nessa would be with them, but she had been accepted to an all girls’ private school on the outskirts of the Emerald City. She and Nanny had left a week before the regular semester started.

Elphaba couldn’t deny that she missed her sister and the playful banter that existed between them.They were going to skype sometime this weekend though, which Elphaba was looking forward too.

Shell snickered beside her and she turned her attention to him. She figured he was reacting to something on the screen, but it didn’t seem as if anything interesting was happening.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing,” he replied simply. “It’s just…I was thinking. Why don’t you have a girlfriend?”

She choked on the coffee she was sipping and took a few moments to regained her composure. “What?”

“Even I have a girlfriend, Fabala,” he said, taking a bite from his waffle.

“And I care because…?”

“You clearly care about it.”

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise at her brothers accusatory tone.

“What makes you think that?”

He shifted in his spot and ran a hand through his hair. Elphaba easily recognized the nervous habit and studied him intently.

“No reason…just an assumption.”

Elphaba remained quiet, unable to articulate the reasons this conversation had started in the first place. She took one last sip from the remaining coffee in her mug and stood up. “Yeah,  _ okay _ . Anyways, go get ready to leave otherwise you’re going to be walking.”

About 15 minutes later, the two were ready to leave. Shell hopped into the passenger side of her small, navy blue hatchback and sighed dramatically.

“What’s wrong?” Elphaba asked as she started the car and pulled out of the driveway.

“I don’t want to go to school.”

Elphaba laughed gently. “It’s already that bad, huh?”

“I just hate that we need to take gym as a requirement! I shouldn’t have to run first thing in the morning.”

“Oh, don’t be so dramatic,” she said lightly, smiling at him. 

He huffed and leaned his head back against the headrest while closing his eyes. They remained silent for the rest of the drive, but when Elphaba pulled up to the front of his school, he spoke sincerely as he hopped out: “One day you’ll find her, Fabala.”

Elphaba was about to ask what he was talking about but before she could, Shell was out the door. She watched him walk inside and gently shook her head before heading towards her high school.

When she arrived, the parking lot was already a third full. She parked in her usual spot at the back and made her way into the school through one of the back doors.

Walking through the crowded hallway, she attempted to reach the staircase located on the other side. She caught Fiyero’s gaze for a moment, and he gave her a smug look before leaning down towards something…

No, not something, someone. She saw him kissing Glinda smoothly, and Elphaba resisted the urge to look disgusted. She quickened her pace and eventually ended up on the second floor, headed towards her locker.

“She’s here!”

Elphaba looked up at the voice and noticed Crope, Tibbett and Boq standing around her locker.

“What took you so long?” Boq asked as she put in her combination.

“I had to drive Shell.”

The minute she opened the locker door, the warning bell rang above them.

“Looks like that’s our cue,” Tibbett said.

“Oh! But before we go, we are definitely bringing dessert during lunch.”

Elphaba raised a brow while putting a book into her bag and closing her locker.

“Dessert?”

“Yeah!” Tibbett chimed in. “We’re making cupcakes today in hospitality.”

Boq snickered as they began walking towards the library. “Didn’t you almost burn down everything the last time you tried to make something?”

Crope brought a hand up to his chest dramatically. “I think we can make a few  _ cupcakes! _ ” He defended.

“We’ll make sure not to be a fire hazard this time.”

Elphaba cackled. “Oz, I wish I could have seen you trip on that banana peel.”

“Shut up, Elphie,” Tibbett replied with a pout.

“Anyways,” Crope cut in. “We have to get to class now, babes. Bye guys!”

Crope and Tibbett parted ways with them. Having no class this hour, Boq and Elphaba wandered into the library and sat down at their usual table. She pulled out her biology book, meanwhile Boq began reading something for Literature.

Elphaba was distracted, though. She couldn’t keep the words Shell had said out of her head. Why was he suddenly so interested in her love life? It wasn’t his concern. And although he had mentioned it in the past, it always had a reason. But this time…it was as if it came suddenly, with no explanation.

“Elphaba?”

She shook out of her thoughts and glanced up from her book. “Yeah?”

“What’s wrong?”

She scowled slightly and looked back down. “It’s nothing.”

“Elphaba.”

She groaned. “It’s nothing, really. It was just…Shell being weird this morning.”

“Weird?”

“Yeah…I don’t know. He was asking about why I’m not dating anyone and told me that one day I would find  _ her. _ Whatever that means.”

Boq smiled a little which caused Elphaba to scowl again. “What?” She asked.

“He’s just being a concerned brother.”

“I guess but it was weird for him to bring it up with no explanation.”

“That’s true. Are you sure nothing happened for him to ask that?”

She tapped a finger gently against the table, attempting to formulate memories in which this incident could have been rooted from. But nothing came to mind. She shook her head and let out a puff of air from her nose, suddenly thinking about the box on her desk.

“I’m sure,” she said.

He didn’t look convinced, but he stayed quiet and returned to his book, which Elphaba was grateful for. She worked through some practice problems at the end of the current chapter they were going through in class. She breezed through the majority of the questions, occasionally asking for Boq’s input.

The period passed like this and eventually they were in biology, where they were doing lab work. It was a fun period overall.

At lunch, Crope and Tibbett brought them cupcakes which Elphaba took gratefully. She teased them about it being burnt, despite the fact they were made to perfection.

And in Calculus, Elphaba was surprised to see Glinda alone. But the teacher had approached the class acknowledging that some students had already dropped, which Elphaba assumed was the case for Glinda’s friend.

She shrugged and followed along with the lesson plan, while being vaguely aware that Glinda was speeding through equations.

Elphaba was intrigued by how someone could ease their way through complex problems while simultaneously be around a group who frowned upon getting decent grades.

After completing the homework due tomorrow, she packed her bag happily at the end of the period and headed towards her locker one last time to retrieve her biology notebook. There was no cross-fit practice today, so she bid her farewell to Boq at his locker, who was staying for a robotics meeting, and left the building.

When she got home, the house was unsurprisingly empty. Frex was probably out somewhere, and Shell’s school finished an hour later than hers did.

So, she wandered into her room, collapsed onto her bed and shut her eyes. It was amazing how much more comfortable her bed felt the minute she got home, compared to when she actually  _ needed  _ to sleep during the night.

Soon she drifted off but was woken up to her name being called and her shoulders being shaken. She grumbled and opened her eyes slowly.

“Hm?”

“Fabala, wake up.”

“But... sleep.”

She didn’t have to look up to know that Shell rolled his eyes.

“You need to eat.”

She huffed but scooted to sit up at the edge of her bed. She stretched her arms out and yawned.

“What time is it?” She asked.

“Erm…I think it’s a little passed 6.”

She groaned and rubbed her eyes. She stood up and stretched once more and headed downstairs.

“Why were you so tired?”

“Honestly? I don’t really know.”

Frex was sitting at the dinner table waiting patiently, his arms resting in front of him. He caught Elphaba’s eye and frowned.

“Were you sleeping since you got home?”

“Yeah,” she replied flatly. She sat down across from him, and Shell took the seat next to her. Frex sighed and put his hands together, bowing his head waiting for Elphaba and Shell to follow suite. When they did, he began reciting a prayer.

As always, Elphaba barely paid attention to any of the words he was saying. She focused on whatever was around her, easily easing out her father’s voice.

When he finished, they dug into their food and ate quietly until Frex cut through the silence.

“How are your classes?”

Elphaba finished taking a bite and glanced at Shell who seemed to silently nod and began talking about school despite the fact the question was directed at her. She listened to him intently, especially as he talked about the girl he was dating. Her name was Dhara and she was from the Vinkus, which Elphaba found interesting. Not many students came from there, and they had such a rich and interesting culture.

Shell seemed to be quite fond of Dhara which Elphaba respected, and apparently Frex seemed to feel the same way. By the end of Shell’s story, he was smiling and Elphaba reached over to place a hand on his shoulder.

“That’s great, Shell. I’m glad you’re having a good time at school.”

But the entire interaction just seemed fake to Elphaba. Or perhaps it masked itself that way because of how he consistently treated her. She sat up a little straighter when he averted his eyes towards her.

“And you Fabala? How’s school?”

She sipped idly at a glass of water and spoke after placing it back on the table.

“It’s good.”

Frex raised an eyebrow at her. “Just good? You’re doing fine in your classes?”

“Yeah,” Elphaba shrugged. “I mean it’s only the first week, but my classes are interesting this year.”

“That’s good to hear. What about cross-fit? And have you…” he swallowed and fidgeted with the fork in his hand. Elphaba frowned, already knowing he didn’t want to ask her about romantic intentions. He cleared his throat and continued, “Have you found anyone?”

She couldn’t help but laugh, earning her a scowl from Frex.

“Oh, come on, Father. We both know you don’t really care about the people I’d choose to have interest in. And to answer your other question, cross-fit is going well so far. Our first competition is in three weeks.”

“Oh really? Do you feel ready for that?” He asked, ignoring her first comment. She didn’t feel like putting up a fight, so she let it go and answered his question.

By the time dinner was done, the trio split up with them going into their respective rooms to get washed up and ready for bed.

\--

The next day passed the same way. Elphaba went to all her classes, which were starting to pick up in terms of work. And lunch was spent away from school grounds. They had driven to a small pizza shop close by, but Elphaba didn’t eat any of it. She stuck to a salad she brought from home because she had practice later.

By the time the end of the day rolled around, she was anxious to get moving and working out. She would soon start going to the weight room in the mornings to complete her workouts there, so she didn’t have to deal with the assholes apart of the team after school.

Practice went by as usual, they rotated around sets, but with a little more complexity than the first day. And Glinda had sat on the side during half the practice, which was strangely distracting to Elphaba, but she couldn’t figure out why.

She would catch herself glancing over to see Glinda scrolling through her phone, or smiling at Fiyero. But there were moments, small moments, where Elphaba could have sworn she was looking at her. It was no more than a second, but Elphaba would glance at the right time, only to see Glinda quickly averting her eyes elsewhere.

But she tried not to become too aware of it, as it was probably just a trick her mind was playing on her. Thankfully, the practice ended a couple minutes early so Elphaba was able to make an escape from the uncomfortable setting. 

She was also thankful it was Friday, which meant she could spend the weekend relaxing and going for soothing bike rides around the lake.

As per usual, she woke up Saturday morning, ate a light breakfast and went outside with her bike, exhaling the smoothness of the air around her. She took off and followed a familiar path through a nearby park, which led her through a small forest rich in colour. It was always a spectacular sight that Elphaba got lost in.

Especially when she got to more open space while circling around the small lake. She adored these bike rides, being able to ease her mind and let the peaceful touch of the mornings sunlight relax tense muscles. It always felt like a battery reset from the week, a time to recharge and gather her thoughts and feelings.

But the feeling would fade the tiniest bit on her way home. Although, she reminded herself that she would be skyping with Nessa tonight which she was still looking forward too.

After reaching home, she spent a majority of her time in her room studying and completing homework for Monday. Frex didn’t mind that she locked herself away, she was sure he knew she was working for school and not just messing around.

By the same 5pm came, she was sitting with her legs crossed on her bed, her laptop perched in front of her.

She waited a few moments and that’s when she heard a familiar tune playing through the speakers. For a moment she was tempted to sway to its uplifting sound but remembered what it was there for. She clicked answer and immediately heard Nanny speaking.

“Is it working?”

“I think so,” Nessa replied. Elphaba smiled warmly.

“Can you hear me?” She asked after a moment.

“Oh! Hi dearie!” Nanny said enthusiastically. “Can hear you loud and clear.”

Elphaba chuckled. “Good. How is everything?”

“Well, hello to you too,” Nessa said sarcastically. Elphaba rolled her eyes but Nessa continued speaking,“Everything is good here. The teachers are nice, the people are also nice! How’s everything there?”

“It’s good. The usual. Cross fit, school,” Elphaba finished with a shrug. Nessa shook her head but smiled.

“Let me guess,” she started. “All your homework is finished already.”

“Yeah. Shocked?”

Before Nessa could reply, Shell opened Elphaba’s door and jumped on her bed. “Hi!”

“Hi dearie,” Nanny said. “Still causing trouble?”

Shell scoffed. “I never cause trouble.”

Nessa and Elphaba snorted at the same time, and Shell looked offended.

“What trouble have I caused?”

“Remember the tire swing incident?” Nessa remarked.

“Oz, can we forget about that,” he mumbled. Elphaba smirked and ruffled his hair gently.

“One day.”

He huffed, and the conversation continued, diverting from the incident. By the time an hour went by, Nessa was announcing that she had to leave to go call Frex. So, they bid their farewells and hung up.

At ten thirty, Elphaba stretched, satisfied and began preparing to go to bed. Tomorrow was her day to rest. There were occasional Sunday’s when Frex would try to convince her to go to church with him despite the amount of times she declined. She figured he would give it up by now, but he was a very stubborn man.

Much to her relief, he was gone by the time she woke up the next morning, so she didn’t have to listen to his bad attempts at dragging her along. But unfortunately, Shell had gone with him. She felt bad for the kid, he always does as he’s told, whether he likes it or not.

The day passed by slowly and with all her homework completed, she spent her time watching Netflix and enjoying a few snacks.

Even when Frex and Shell returned home, she didn’t change what she was doing. That was until Frex shut the TV off and sat down on the couch beside her. She squirmed and sat up.

“Yeah?”

“Fabala, a lot of the pastors asked about you today.”

“And that concerns me because…?”

Frex sighed and leaned back a little onto the cushion. “They’re worried about you.”

She scowled at him and played with the bottom of her braid. “Why would they be worried about me?” She asked hesitantly.

“They don’t think you’re doing what’s best for you.”

“Excuse me?”

She felt a sudden flash of anger swell inside her. “What is that supposed to mean?”

Frex eyed her but held a blank expression. “It means what it means. I just want you to know that there’s still a chance to get out of this, you know? I love you, Fabala. I don’t want you to follow the wrong path.”

Elphaba scoffed and stood abruptly, not wanting to listen to her father’s condescending voice any longer.

“Well you can put all the supposed  _ worry  _ elsewhere. I don’t want to hear about how much you disagree with who I am.”

Frex was about to protest, giving her a hard stare, but Elphaba had heard enough and marched up the stairs and into her room. She avoided slamming the door shut, settling on closing it gently and pushed herself onto her bed. She let his words sink into her head, despite that none of it was new.

She knew damn well where her father stood about her sexuality, and she wasn’t about to change who she was. Not that it even was a choice. Why couldn’t he get that through his thick skull? Being gay isn’t a choice, and if he thinks one unionist teaching is nothing but truth, he’s the one who has changing to do.

She didn’t allow any tears to fall as much as the anger seemed to fill her chest. She lifted her pillow and laid her head underneath it, as if to soothe her. After a few minutes of tossing and turning, she reached for her phone and shoved an old pair of headphones into her ears, letting the music lull her to sleep.


	4. Stirring Feelings

_ Am I the one to blame? _

_ And do you feel the same? _

_ Does it have to be this way? _

_ Over It - This Wild Life  _

_ ~ _

From the moment Glinda woke up, her mind was swirling with the events that transpired on the weekend. The majority of it felt like a blur. Saturday night was spent at a party and Sunday was when it all broke down.

The fight replayed in her head, and she kept blaming herself. She knew it was foolish; that there was no use having her memory creep up on her, but her battered heart said otherwise.

_ “Glinda you’re being ridiculous. How can you think I’d cheat on you?!” _

_ She laughed and stepped closer to him, her eyes blaring. _

_ “Oh, so you just happened to be in the same room as her, while she was standing there without a shirt on?” _

_ He groaned and rubbed at his temples. “I already told you what happened. She was in the room like that when I walked in.” _

_ “And why did you walk in there in the first place?” _

_ “Are you kidding me?” He growled. “You and I both know I was drunk out of my mind. I needed to use the washroom and I stumbled into the wrong room. What’s so hard to understand?” _

_ The last line made her step back. It hit her harder than she had expected. She was always told she was overdramatic, reacting to little things for no reason. She felt small suddenly, the room around them closing in on her. _

_ “Fiyero, I-” _

_ “No. I can’t handle it anymore. We’re done.” _

_ She looked up with tears in her eyes and reached towards him, but he brushed her hand aside. He glanced at her one last time and left, while she stood there completely bewildered by the events that transpired. _

She worked her jaw as she sat in her first class. She happened to share it with Fiyero, and it took all her strength to show up. Her friends tried to get her to skip, but she didn’t feel like getting into the habit.

Pfannee and Shenshen had been comforting, and even offered a night in at Pfannee’s place. Although the girls were oddly draining to be around, she couldn’t find it in her to say no.

By the time the bell rang, she realized she had spent the period doodling in her notebook. An array of flowers bloomed on the paper. She smiled a little at her creation and made her way to second period.

She sat in the back of the room with her mind wandering back to Fiyero. Avoiding him was harder than she thought.

Which is why instead of paying attention to physics, she spent a majority of the period working through her feelings. They had been dating since the end of last semester. There was a comfort in their relationship.

They had a connection, and Glinda wasn’t ready to let that go. She hoped there was a way for them to get back together because that’s what people would want, right?

But how?

He seemed to be done with her completely. They’ve gotten into fights before, but not like this. He had never walked out on her before, and there was a look in his eyes that Glinda hoped she’d never see again.

The hour passed, and soon enough she was standing in a half full gymnasium. She heard laughter and spotted Crope standing on a soccer ball with Tibbett holding his waist.

“You’re gonna fall, babe.”

“But you’ll be there to catch me.”

“You know it.”

Glinda watched as Tibbett leaned up and kissed Crope’s cheek. She felt a nagging in her stomach. They looked so happy with one another. She wanted that.

The thought made her frown at her feet. She had it with Fiyero, didn’t she? Or was that what she kept telling herself?

She did like Fiyero, but was it in the way she should? If she looked deep inside her heart, she knew there to be a secret. One she was too afraid to unlock. It had always been there, ready to be opened, but she was too good at ignoring it. Without Fiyero as a distraction, she was afraid she no longer could avoid it. Which is why she needed to get back together with him.

Her mind was occupied with ideas to accomplish her goal throughout the entire period.

By the time she left gym and was wandering up to the cafeteria, there was a short calm settling over her after physically exerting herself in the dodgeball game they played. She heard quickened footsteps behind her and looked towards the commotion. Crope and Tibbett simultaneously tackled someone in a hug. Glinda recognized the green skin and immediately knew who it was.

When the boys pulled back, Elphaba caught her eye and Glinda gave her a small, sympathetic smile before wandering into the cafeteria to greet her friends at their usual table.

Casual interactions like that seemed so easy to Glinda, but to her friends it was another story. Right now, one of the guys on the football team was complaining about Boq, who from Glinda’s knowledge, did nothing but answer questions in class.

They were so shallow! Then again, Glinda couldn’t deny that she frequently smiled along with their jabs. And these moments allowed her to remember she wasn’t as good as she wanted to be.

By the time last period came around, she was moving through the homework questions that would be due tomorrow. The lesson was short, so she spent the rest of the time completing what she could for tomorrow's math lesson.

Occasionally a hint of green would capture her attention, if only for a moment. But when she had glanced up, she was shocked to see Elphaba scribbling messily, her brow furrowed in confusion.

Glinda had always assumed Elphaba was at the top of all her classes, but the look on her face right now suggested she was struggling with this one. But it was adorable: the way her features scrunched together, the realization in her eyes when she finally figured it out…Glinda shook herself and focused on her own work.

She remained focused through the rest of the period and when the final bell rang, she gathered her things, took what she needed from her locker, and headed home.

She grabbed the mail from the mailbox and strode inside. She placed the contents on the counter in the kitchen but stopped in her tracks when she noticed something pink.

Curiously, she pulled out a pink envelope from the bottom of the pile and examined it. Her brows knitted together at the site of her name. There was no return address, and the envelope looked far too intricate to not be of importance.

She walked up the stairs and into her room where she placed her bag gently on the floor and hopped onto her bed.

She opened it carefully, not wanting to rip apart any of its contents. She pulled out a neatly written letter and began reading.

Her heart sped up as she scanned the page.

Suddenly, she was standing outside on a warm September night with the wind blowing gently through her hair. The air was calming her annoyance, which seemed rooted from her friends’ vicious comments. There was a stillness that came with the crisp air and the moonlight shining down on her.

She could still feel the buzz from the shots she had downed, and heard the door opening behind her. She glanced quickly but turned away to stare up at the stars.

There was something her head was telling her. As if urging her restless heart to speak the truth within itself.

Without thinking, she turned around with a gentle smile, and spoke softly.

_ “You’re beautiful, you know. Don’t let them make you believe otherwise.” _

In that drunken haze, she couldn’t deny the words that pushed into her voice. And she wasn’t sure she wanted too.

Glinda swallowed hard at the memory, the letter still between her fingers. She reached the last line and there was nothing but…

“E. Thropp…” she whispered.


	5. You'll be Fine

_ Sometimes things will bend you _

_ But trust me you’ll be fine _

 

_ Gold Steps - Neck Deep  _

 

_ ~ _

 

It was six in the morning when Elphaba arrived at school. She changed into workout clothes and trudged into the weightroom. 

“I was waiting to see you during the mornings,” coach Xavier said with a smile. 

She yawned and walked towards the wall with free weights. “It wakes me up.” 

“I’m sure it does,” he chuckled. “I’ve gotta help some of the newer guys with their posture. They’re not veterans like you.”

She smiled as he waved her off to join two freshman guys in the corner. 

She began performing bicep curls with ease. After completing three sets of twenty, she moved on to bench presses. 

She went through the room doing various exercises until only twenty minutes remained till the warning bell. 

She wiped sweat off her brow as she moved into the changeroom. She put on black jeans and a baseball tee after freshening up as much as she could. 

When she got to the second floor something was different. There was no Crope, Tibbett, or Boq. Instead, Glinda was standing near her locker glancing down at her phone. 

Elphaba’s eyebrows knitted together as she moved closer. 

“Uh do you need something?” 

Glinda whipped her head up and gave her a strange look. 

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” 

Elphaba paused and took a hand off her lock. “Excuse me?” 

Glinda maneuvered her bag around and pulled out something pink. Elphaba eyed it suspiciously, unsure of what was happening but then it dawned on her. She noted the silver handwriting on the front and her throat closed up. 

“Care you explain this?” Glinda asked as she wiggled the envelope between her fingers. 

“How the hell did you get that?” She asked, her voice rushed and desperate. 

“Pretty sure you mailed it to me. Since when do you have a crush on me?” 

Elphaba swallowed hard as nausea settled. “Don’t worry. I don’t.” 

Glinda scoffed. “That’s not what it sounded like in the letter.” 

Elphaba’s hand tightened around the strap of her bag and she was about to reply, but something stopped her. 

She glanced behind Glinda and saw Sarima walking up. She noticed a red envelope in her hand and her breath froze in her chest. 

_ No. _

She looked at Glinda who looked impatient, and back to Sarima who looked...angry? She couldn’t tell. She couldn’t decipher any of it right now. Which is why instead of replying, she practically sprinted past Glinda. 

Her name was called but she didn’t look back. She pushed through the library doors and slumped down into a chair in front of Boq. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked. 

“Nothing.” 

“Elph-” 

“I said  _ nothing! _ ” She hissed. 

She didn’t have to look up to know that she hurt him. 

“I’m sorry...I just....I’m not in the mood. Please, I’ll tell you later, just not right now.” 

He nodded, his eyes searching her with concern. But he dropped it like she asked and opened his biology textbook. They worked through the details for today’s lesson and Elphaba was grateful for the distraction. 

The events from the morning replayed in her head consistently throughout the day. She could feel an ache settle over her. 

How the fuck did this happen? No one knew about the letters. She made sure to give no signs. She never talked about it. 

Unless...no there was no way he would have done that. 

Frex was one to meddle in her business but not enough to go through her room and send out random letters. Which left Shell. 

Oz, she was going to kill him. 

She tried to breathe normally but with the letters out, anxiety latched onto her. 

When the bell rang she sped from literature class towards the library. She sat at a desk in the corner and buried her face in her hands. 

She was not going to spend lunch in the cafeteria. She couldn’t risk losing her temper with the boys if they asked what was wrong. She wasn’t ready to explain the letters. She was  _ never _ expecting to explain them. 

They were her secret and it was up to her who read them. She resisted the urge to scream in the quiet space, and instead clenched her fist and bit her lip. 

She tried to convince herself it was okay, but she knew it wasn’t. No one was supposed to unlock these feelings. The ways she felt was complicated to her already, and now that the recipients knew about it, everything was ten times worse. 

The bell rang. She groaned and debated if she should skip calculus. Time had moved faster than she realized.

She took a few deep breaths as she made her way to the classroom and was relieved to see Glinda nowhere in sight. Elphaba hoped she dropped the class. 

But her wish was crushed when she walked into the room. Instead of walking past her usual seat, she sat in the empty chair beside Elphaba. 

Glinda looked around and bowed over to her. “We need to talk about this, you know.” 

“We’re not talking about this here. Actually, I’d rather not talk about it at all.” 

“You literally wrote me a  _ love letter _ ,” Glinda heatedly whispered. 

Elphaba rolled her eyes. “Yeah, well, you’re not the only one who got one so don’t flatter yourself.” 

Glinda was about to reply, but Ms. Greyling gave them a pointed look and began the lesson.

Elphaba felt the tension throughout her body. She wanted nothing more than to hear the bell ring so she could go home and pretend this was just a twisted dream. Time had never moved as slowly as it did in this moment. Elphaba tried concentrating hard on the calculations that Ms. Greyling was explaining. But she was far more occupied _not_ thinking about Glinda. Who of all places, decided to sit next to her. A twisted dream, indeed.

When the bell rang at long last, she packed up quickly and rushed out of the room. She didn’t so much as glance at Glinda. 

When she got home, she scrambled into her room and noticed the empty corner of her desk. Her heart sank. 

She knew they were gone, but seeing the bare spot was like a slap in the face. She shut her door and sank to the floor. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes with a sigh. 

Her phone vibrated in her pocket. She groaned and waited a few moments before answering the incoming call. 

“Hello.” 

“Elphaba what the hell happened?” Boq asked. 

She swallowed hard. “It’s a lot to explain. I don’t kno-” 

“I’m going to come pick you up, okay?” 

She nodded. 

“Elphie?” 

“Huh? Oh sorry, yeah that’s fine.” 

“Okay I’ll be there in ten.”

She waited on the porch for Boq to arrive. She was terrified of what he’d say once he discovered the situation. His car drove up the house exactly ten minutes later.

“Where do you want to go?” He asked when she got in the car.

“I don’t know,” she said as she fastened her seatbelt. ”Anywhere.” 

“Okay.” 

The majority of the  drive she spent staring out the window, watching the landscapes change in front of her. They approached a lake, which made Elphaba smile the tiniest bit. It was somewhere she went when things got too hard, and Boq knew that. He parked on the open terrain and turned the car off. 

“So,” he started, turning to face her. “What’s wrong?” 

She sighed, looking down at her lap. She clenched and unclenched her fists, trying to decide where to start. 

“I...I wrote these letters,” she said slowly.

“Letters? What kind of letters?” 

She swallowed, and the back of her neck warmed up. “Well they’re kind of uhm...you know. I wrote down how I felt whenever I had a crush on someone…”

“What?” He deadpanned. “You mean like love letters?” 

“No!” She said urgently. “No, they’re just...they just explain how I felt in the moment because I didn’t know what to do with it.” 

“What do you mean?”

She sighed, trying to organize her thoughts. “I don’t know. I just wrote them. There was nothing I could do about how I felt so I put it all on paper trying to decipher the feelings.”

Elphaba glanced at him when there was no reply. He was watching her but it wasn’t with judgement. He looked concerned. 

And then he looked confused. “But surely that’s not why you’ve been freaking out all day? They’re just letters.” 

Elphaba took a shaky breath before speaking. “They got out. I don’t know how but it got out. Because Glinda came up to me and-” 

“Wait,” he cut in. “Glinda? You mean Glinda Upland?” 

“Yes.”

His mouth fell open and his words caught in his throat. “Wha - how did...when?” 

“I don’t know!” She groaned and shoved her face in her hands. “I don’t know what the hell happened. It was a stupid crush, I know. But that doesn’t matter. The letters are out and now she thinks I have some giant crush on her despite it being written over a year ago.” 

Boq seemed to digest everything and cleared his throat. 

“Letters,” he said suddenly. 

“Yeah, that’s what I said didn’t I?” 

“Yeah but that’s plural. How many are there?”

“Three.” 

“Three?!” he yelled. “Who else did you write love letters to?” 

“Stop calling them that,” she groaned. “And if you must know one was to Sarima, and another to Milla.” 

Boq leaned back and brought a hand up to rub at his temple. “And you’re telling me they mysteriously got out?” 

“Yes,” she said with annoyance. “They’re  _ all  _ out. And there’s nothing I can do about it.” 

“Wow what a senior year you’re having already.” 

She turned to glare at him. He raised his hands in defense. “I’m just saying it’s a lot to take in.” 

She pushed her hair back. 

“I don’t know what to do…” she mumbled. “They’re not theirs to read.” 

“Can’t you just explain that you wrote them a long time ago and that it means nothing?” 

“I mean, yeah. But that doesn’t erase the fact that they’re out and that they know.” 

“Hey,” Boq said softly, catching the fear in her voice. “It’s gonna be okay.” 

“No!” she snapped. “It’s not. This is so stupid. I wrote them  _ love letters. _ ”

Boq smiled a little. She deflated but smiled back. And then started laughing. 

“I can’t believe I wrote love letters.” 

Boq chuckled. “I always knew you were a softie but never on the grounds of writing love notes.”

“Oh, shut up.” 

She felt some tension leave her body and leaned against the headrest. It really was ridiculous. They were just letters, right? How much damage could they do? 

“I think we should get ice cream,” Boq announced. 

“Yeah, let’s go.” 

They drove to the nearest ice cream shop and she was grateful for the distraction. Her mind wouldn’t stop racing but at least she was given a moment to breathe.


End file.
